Everything You Always Wanted to Know About the Veepstakes But Were Afraid to Ask

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About the Veepstakes But Were Afraid to Ask

Sen. John Kerry has a major decision to ponder prior to Boston's July Democratic convention: who will be his running mate. The choice of the vice presidential candidate just may be the most over-analyzed and under-analyzed selection in American politics. Replete with symbolism, the choice is usually some combination of the political and tactical; with a full debate always engaged. Often those who do the pontificating are journalists or political science professors who know little of what the nominee is seeking in a candidate, or the intricacies of who will make the best choice electorally. They instead write about the subject to tacitly project an air of inside knowledge of presidential politics and are somehow ken to esoteric information. It makes the writer subconsciously appear smarter and more knowledgeable by saying who the VP candidate likely will be, or who is on the short list, even though the candidate usually keeps his thinking under wraps.

When presidential nominees do talk publicly of their VP choice, sometimes it is just a trial balloon or only an effort to attract and excite a constituency. Often throughout the years we have read some journalist or heard some blabbering cable TV charlatan say something to the effect of; "hey folks, what I have heard on the street is that Mr. So and So will very likely be chosen as the vice presidential candidate," only to find out later there was little chance the two would get together. One must cast a wary eye on discussions of vice presidential choices, especially when the source is a rumor. (Actually, any story based on rumors should be deemed suspect.) Because presidential nominees rarely talk about it, or speak truthfully with regard to their choice, then one must literally get inside their head to figure out who may be chosen, and Bill Gates has not invented that technology yet. (Although the word on the street is that he is working on it, EVOTE.COM has learned.) This year is typical in that Jim Johnson, the Minnesota native who Kerry requested to run his vice presidential candidate search efforts, is taciturn. Spurred partly by a lack of campaign subjects to write about now that Kerry is assured of the nomination, 2004 has generated a typical bumper crop of stories on who the VP nominee could be. A scan of news outlets shows there are upwards of two dozen published choices, even after excluding non-mainstream publications. There are probably many more.

 

Vice Presidents are Important
Ever since our second president John Adams in 1796 was forced to team up with his ideological and electoral opponent Thomas Jefferson as his vice president, prior to the creation of the 12th amendment, choosing a running mate has been an important choice. A recent national poll done by Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland, OH found that nearly two-thirds of their respondents said they consider the VP candidate to be important in determining their voting choice. Sixty-five percent said the number two name is at least somewhat important. And do not forget the following VP's became president before their term expired, all except one resulting from the death of the president: John Tyler in 1841; Millard Fillmore in 1850; Andrew Johnson in 1865; Chester Alan Arthur in 1881; Theodore Roosevelt in 1901; John Calvin Coolidge, Jr. in 1923; Harry S. Truman in 1945; Lyndon Baines Johnson in 1963 and Gerald Rudolph Ford, Jr. in 1974. That is a lot of VPs going big time, some of whom were quite influential. And even if the VP candidate does not become president during the term or is even elected, his selection is still important because later they often themselves become significant presidential candidates. But while vice presidents are important for electoral reasons, they historically have rarely have done much during the president's term, living up to the title "his superfluous excellency" that Adams had bestowed on the job. Although vice presidents recently have gained political stature, perhaps to the point of being the most important presidential advisor under President Bush, they still have mostly not been chosen for their "qualifications" for office, but rather the selections tend to mirror a presidential candidate's desire to counter a weakness, such as a particular experience, or to provide ideological, geographical or generational balance to the ticket. Diversification or amplification of certain aspects of the number one person is often the pursuit. But sometimes conventional wisdom is ignored, such as the choice of Senator Al Gore of Tennessee, as he was chosen to be the VP nominee perhaps in an effort win the entire country instead of just one particular constituency. And sometimes the choice may be done more for personal or social reasons rather than anything tactical. No one really knows why some are chosen and others are not and that is the most important point. Federal officials almost always figure prominently among the prospective vice presidential choices and 2004 is no exception. One explanation for this is that federal officials are sometimes household names because they may sit on committees or sponsor and support bills with a national influence, thereby giving the ticket a broader public profile. This juxtaposed to governors who are often known more regionally than nationally.

 

Edwards Leads the List of Those Mentioned for VP
For this year's beauty pageant, the relatively young Sen. John Edwards may be the most continually mentioned as the VP nominee. With his southern roots he may be more sociable than Kerry and he is also personable. And of course with the south still fighting the War Between the States (those damn Yankees), he offers geographical diversity. But is he popular enough to deliver even his own state? He has also been somewhat vetted so it seems he does not have any hidden scandals, an important consideration that has crippled past candidacies. I will not mention what Kerry has said of Edwards VP possibilities because it is most likely propaganda. Iowa Gov. Tom Vilsack has also been mentioned as a possibility. The governor did not publicly support Kerry in the primary, but his wife did which was seen as tacit approval. He has recently boosted his profile in Washington too. Vilsack's former spokesman Amanda Crumley recently began working for the Democratic Governors Association which some believe is part of an effort to increase his limited national visibility. His selection could help Kerry because Iowa is borderline electorally as it could go red or blue. And since Vilsack is a governor, he potentially gives the ticket the appearance of the kind of direct managerial experience needed for running large federal agencies which the senator is virtually devoid of. But 1924 was the last time a Democratic nominee chose to marry an individual who mostly established his reputation as a governor. That was when presidential nominee John W. Davis picked Nebraska's Charles Bryan, brother of the "Great Commoner" William Jennings Bryan, for the number two spot. Sen. Evan Bayh of Indiana has been mentioned as a VP selection too. As Chairman of the moderate Democratic Leadership Council, Bayh could balance Kerry's image as a hard liberal. It could also help Kerry best Indiana from the Republican side where some see it now heading. Choosing Bayh could influence voters in the adjoining states of Ohio and Michigan too.

 

What do Bill Clinton, Tom Brokaw and Oprah Winfrey Have in Common?
Enough already has been written about the former Arkansan lawyer named Hillary Clinton and her vice presidential prospects. In a related move the New York Times, the EVOTE.COM of New York City, printed an article recently suggesting Hillary's husband Bill might be selected as the VP nominee. According to some scholars, the constitution allows it. If the prospect of big Bill going another round does not peak your interest, then how about the Boston Herald, the EVOTE.COM of Boston, recently printing an article suggesting that Oprah Winfrey (yes, the talk show host) team up with Kerry for the election. The choice is not as ludicrous as the knee-jerk reaction suggests. Born in poverty, she rose to become one of today's most wealthy, powerful and trusted women. She runs a financial empire akin to the largest corporations and lobbies heavily for children's rights. And man does she have name recognition. And here is another doozy for you. The Philadelphia Inquirer, the EVOTE.COM of Philadelphia, recently printed an article suggesting that Tom Brokaw (yes, the NBC news guy) may be chosen as the VP nominee. The newspaper stated that "buzz" (is that another word for rumor) "has surfaced once again about Brokaw entering politics." Although Brokaw insists he will not be a candidate, many believe during the debates he hosts that he appears much more presidential than many of the debaters.

 

And the Rest of the VP Nominees Are
Other manifold folks being mentioned in the press as possible vice presidential nominees include: � Vermont Gov. Howard Dean: Kerry and Dean share similar liberal views and a New England background. Conventional wisdom says Kerry should open his umbrella a bit more and choose someone who will attract others to the ticket. But that is not what Bill Clinton did. � Retired General Wesley Clark: has a great military resume, but so does Kerry. Was raised in Arkansas, but will that help win in Dixie? Also has a history of being a Republican, so will that help or hurt Kerry? � Missouri Rep. Dick Gephardt: could help deliver his home state and attract nationwide union support. But do the rank-and-file vote the way their leaders want them to? � New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson: is of Spanish ancestry which will probably help in states with large numbers of emigrants from Latin or Central America, including Florida, Texas, Arizona and that big giant thing called California. Former congressman, U.N. ambassador and cabinet secretary. � Florida Senators Bob Graham and Bill Nelson: the key ingredients here are Florida, Florida and Florida. Many of these so-called "political analysts" say Kerry must win Florida to win this puppy, but Kerry just needs a plurality of electoral votes regardless of where they come from. � Arizona Gov. Janet Napolitano: she is of course a woman and conventional wisdom says women candidates attract more women voters, but voting patterns show women do not consider gender important. � Virginia Governor Mark R. Warner: attractive to southerners and a Virginia victory would be sweet, but he proposed a tax increase to help solve Virginia's budget deficit. The Massachusetts senator is trying to bury the perception he is a fiscal liberal.

 

� Washington state Gov. Gary Locke: this Asian-American (a group that more often votes Republican) has a national reputation as a pro-business moderate Democrat, but fiscal restraints are imposed by the laws of his state. It could help ensure victory in the Pacific Northwest where Ralph Nader is relatively strong. � Former New Hampshire Gov. Jeanne Shaheen: she is his campaign chairman but resides in an adjacent state. � Louisiana Senators Mary Landrieu and John Breaux: same old story, win a southern state. � Former Georgia Sen. Sam Nunn: former Chairman of the Senate Armed Services Committee was at one time very influential with national appeal. � California Sen. Diane Feinstein: for a candidate that needs to diversify, so say the scholars, she is also a liberal with a national following, but California is the big ape of electoral victories. � Former Nebraska Gov. and Sen. Bob Kerrey: Congressional Medal of Honor winner and outspoken member of 9/11 commission. Ran for president in 1992. Kerry and Kerrey? Not gonna happen. � Clinton Treasury Secretary Robert Rubin: may help Kerry with Wall Street and business-focused voters. Has a national reputation. � Clinton's budget director Franklin Raines: would perhaps send a message of fiscal responsibility. But who is he? The voters don't know. � Arkansas Sen. Blanche Lincoln: says she does not want it and besides, relatively few know her outside the land of the razorbacks. � Pennsylvania Gov. Edward G. Rendell: could help in this borderline state. � Kansas Gov. Kathleen Sebelius: could help throughout the heartland. Not well known nationally. � Clinton Health and Human Services Secretary Donna Shalala: as Chancellor of the University of Wisconsin-Madison from 1988-1993, she was the first woman to head a Big Ten University. In 1992 Business Week named her one of the top five mangers in higher education. � Georgia Rep. John Lewis: black sharecropper's son and civil rights advocate would attract minorities to the ticket. Could give ticket appearance of being too far left. � Former Georgia Senator Max Cleland: lost three limbs in Vietnam. Kerry friend who campaigned with him. � Three Republicans are being mentioned too. Secretary of State Colin Powell, Arizona Sen. John McCain and former Maine Sen. William Cohen who was defense secretary under Bill Clinton. It would be an odd choice, but why not a Republican? Talk about providing balance. Some Republicans would sure like it. And McCain, who went from disliking to liking Kerry throughout the years, would certainly electrify Kerry's candidacy. Now that would grab attention. And of course the VP stakes are not limited to the Democratic side. Some say that Dick Cheney and his Halliburton friends may be too much of a liability for Bush so he may dump him, perhaps claiming health reasons. That ain't gonna happen either.

 

Kerry Should Choose Burt Badass
But we at EVOTE.COM are smart and omniscient and have conducted an intensive research project as to who Kerry should choose as his running mate. After several months of study and analysis, we have figured out exactly who will garner the most votes for the Democratic presidential nominee. We hope Kerry is paying attention. Seeing as John Kerry needs to broaden his appeal and attract those to the voting booth that now typically instead stay in bars, we propose he choose Burt "The Rifleman" Badass of Boston, Massachusetts. Burt Badass' qualifications include an extensive criminal record, including armed robbery, assault and battery, forgery, rape, murder, prostitution, driving while intoxicated and trading stock after hours. Badass will appeal to the millions of people, both Democratic and Republican, who have been dragged into America's courts. They will flock to his candidacy, especially since our analysis shows that Kerry is a little too honest, a little too goody-goody, too much of a teacher's-pet for the electorate. Badass will also appeal to working folks because a decade ago he held a steady full-time job throughout the entire summer. And he is also mean, very unsociable, so the jerks and those with personality flaws will find Burt Badass to be a great candidate and true friend. Another plus on his side is that with a February 14, 2006 incarceration release date, he is free to begin his vice presidential duties after just one year, 24 days and six hours. (The screws consider Badass to be a poor prisoner, so there will be no parole.) Two reasons Kerry may not want to choose him though is that his candidacy may invite negative criticism; Burt Badass does not have any foreign policy experience. Some also consider his support of the Moral Majority to be excessive. And that advice we provide to Kerry: free.



[John Pike is a veteran free-lance journalist based in Boston. His articles have appeared in numerous magazines, newspapers and wire services, including the Boston Globe, Reason and Insight Magazines. The word on the street is that he will likely be chosen as Kerry's vice presidential nominee and is now eagerly waiting for the big phone call.]